Dating in Germany

For me as a German it is not easy to write about Dating in Germany. There are so many stereotypes about Germans which are partly right but also wrong. An Australian woman’s response to the query, “How do you know a German is flirting with you?” was: “sounds to me like the beginning of a joke”. This should be taken into account when conversing with Germans one has an interest in.

Most German men are supposedly shy and not good at flirting like French or Italian men who are flirtier and more open-minded. But I guess that has changed in the last years. They are more and more willing to make the first move, but also like it if women take control and take the first step. Different than in many other countries, the Germans hardly ever go to a person they don’t know in a bar or club. The pressure they face makes them anxious and the fear of being rejected is always present. They prefer meeting through common friends as if it was by accident.

What should I talk about?

In the early stages, forming a strong connection with Germans can be difficult. However, once they like you, they are faithful and either you become a close friend, or you can rely on a real relationship. The reason is that Germans are not into small talk but prefer a serious, deeper conversation. That might be one of the biggest problems for foreigners in Germany: We are not the greatest when it comes to showing our interest in a person.

Another reason that makes dating Germans difficult is their honesty and the fact that they are straightforward. This combination is hard to understand for people who immigrate to Germany. This doesn’t only apply to German men but the women as well. Another thing: German men hardly ever come to pick up a girl/woman – both just agree on a time and meet there. The prejudice about Germans not being too romantic is true!

Another fact that has changed about dating in Germany over the last years is who pays the bill. In the past, men usually paid for dinner but nowadays splitting the bill has become popular.

Some facts about German social behavior

But here are the most important facts you should know if you want to flirt with either a German man or woman…

1. German men are often shy which means they probably won’t make the first move and start a conversation with you, especially in a bar or club
2. Don’t make small talk, Germans prefer a serious, deeper conversation
3. It takes time to get to know a German person but if it works you either gain a great friend or a reliable relationship
4. Don’t be afraid of the German straightforwardness – Germans tell you what they want and think
5. German men like it if women take the first step and take control
6. German women sometimes like to split the bill on the first date – strange but it’s true. But in general they like to be invited!
7. Try to be on time for your date, Germans love punctuality 😉
8. Some women like flowers on the first date, but it is not necessary
9. As a woman you should know that German men probably won’t show up to pick you up!
10. Germans usually wait a long time until they say “I love you”, but if they do, they mean it!

Besides these tips I believe it often depends on the situation whether Germans are willing to do the things necessary to get a date. For those who want to know what different nations think about Dating in Germany, I can recommend YouTube, where you can find several videos about this topic!